The Problem with Confidence

Okay, so everyone from my friends (male and female) to the magazine Cosmo have said that confidence is a big deal when you meet someone you might be interested in. To varying degrees, I agree with this. If a guy was too shy to even approach me and that's his excuse for never doing so...that's a huge turn-off. So I get it. But at the same time, there is such a thing as coming on too strong because you think you're being confident.

But all that aside, I have a problem of my own. I'm a flirt and I love to make puns. The combination of the two can come across as confident and sassy. This can be attractive, according to some male friends. However, here's where I run into trouble. Let's say I'm doing the flirty pun thing with a guy that I think is appealing. The second I think he might also be interested...Goodbye confidence! If I'm lucky, I can fake my way through the rest of the conversation before I stumble away. More often than not, however, I will blush and stammer and lose the ability to form a single complete thought, let alone witty and flirty banter.

Ugh.

But guess what? If I'm given the chance to continue to get to know them and be around them and regain that comfort-level...eventually, I'm back to the flirty, sassy punster. And sure, there are exceptions. There have been a few men I've just clicked with enough to continue, even when I think they might "like-like" me.

Second Guy was like that; he and I initially bonded over busting our moves at a 5YM show. We'd spoken a few times, but not had a real conversation. Ya know what, though? I thought he was in a relationship (it was ending then) when we met, so I figured he was off-limits and that kept the confidence level up. And Hates-Cats was married when we met, so the same thing applies.

At any rate, it's entirely possible that this issue doesn't exist anymore. That maybe that is more so the reason I'm able to flirt, etc. with Second Guy and Hates-Cats. Maybe I've developed some actual confidence. Or at least I've developed the ability to appear that way.