Eye contact

My birth control pill was changed back to the previous one that I'd been on for 5 years. The strange side effects I was having with the new one have receded and I feel more like myself again. So, I've got that going for me.

Today, I got enough sleep and felt good and feisty. I wore a new cotton summer dress I'd recently purchased. I had to stop my by workplace and a jerk coworker made a snide comment about it. I replied I was out running errands, and she snarked that she knew "what I was out to pick up". It bothered me.

I have boobs. Big ones. I know, it's a terrible thing. How dare I. And guess what? I wear a lot of cleavage-showing things. My boobs are one of the things that make me feel feminine and semi-confident and I LIKE THE SHIRTS AND DRESSES. I'm pretty sure that even when I'm in t-shirts, everyone is aware of the boobs existence. They're not easily hidden. And I refuse to be made to feel like a whore because I got 'em and flaunt 'em!

That being said, I proceeded on my errands to visit the Hates Cats Guy at his store. There was something different today. I'm not very good with eye contact and I get nervous and people-watch instead of maintaining it. Sometimes, when I'm really comfortable with someone, I can keep it up. Or when I'm feeling pretty good about me. I guess I was today, because there were several times I maintained eye contact with Hates Cats. I don't even think I blushed! He has gorgeous eyes and he was really looking at me and listening and it was flattering as heck. Whether he knows it, or not. I'm never sure with him.

He has made it clear in other conversations and moments that he finds me attractive. I even know I caught him checking me out once. But whenever he's let on, he immediately backs off and kinda distances himself from me for a while. The last time, I didn't push or hound. I let him back off. And then I initiated contact again, without pressure, and went to see him in person. I didn't mean to spend as much time there as I did, but I felt pretty good about hanging out with him like that. Just as friends, no pressure.

That's how today was, no pressure. I'm not sure if it was just because I felt good, or because I felt good to be back on the right kind of pill. Or a combination of both. It doesn't really matter, though. I'm not actively pursuing him. I'm just trying to be a good friend and supportive and helpful...and hopefully, that doesn't come across as too eager. I have that problem of being earnestly helpful, but they think I'm after something else. But that's how I am and it's why I've been so good in Customer Service for so long.

If it leads to anything more in the future...well, I'm not sure I'll be that lucky. And then again, there's the whole cat thing.