Early in the week, I was asked on a date. By a greasy, stinky Papa John's delivery guy. In his 40's. His body odor somehow overpowers the smell of garlic and onions on him. He's a semi-regular customer, and a geek, so we've had some breezy discussions before. But he never made any kind of impression on me whatsoever and I, quite frankly, forget about him the second he leaves. But now I'll remember him. He asked if he could buy me a coffee sometime. I shook my head and said, "No thank you" as quietly and politely as I could, seeing as there were two ladies standing RIGHT THERE. Ugh. He's just gross. And, seriously, a delivery guy at his age? If there is a solid, logical reason for that, fine, but first impressions...?
Then I was having a lousy day at work on Thursday. A lady filed a stupid complaint about me, and some rude kid threw money at me and I was just at my wit's end...when I look up and there's Second Guy. He was charming, witty and made me laugh and smile again. He was everything I needed at that moment. This is the second time since I've known him that I've been having a bad day and he came by my store to make me feel better. He can be so very sweet.
It's funny about him. A few weeks ago, Single Female Friend and Second Guy ran into each other at an event. They ended up chatting, and he drank enough to really open up to her. He expressed regret about the way he'd gone after her. Well, good. But he also expressed regret about the way things went with me. And he said that he wasn't sure what made him stop, and back off, but there was something he couldn't put his finger on. I wish I knew what it was. I'm not saying I want to rekindle things with him, but it would be nice to know.
Now, today, I finally decided to text Fireman. I haven't heard from him since July, when I sent that last text and he never replied. I have only seen him a handful of times in the store since then, too. Sometimes, things were normal, sometimes very tense, and once, just plain weird. I sent him a light message just saying that I never get to see him anymore. He replied with "Who is this?" And that hurt. But I replied and said it was Helen. A long while later, I get "How did we meet, Helen?"
Let me see now. How many Helens does he know? How many that text him? How many would complain about not getting to see him? And WOW, did I make such an impression on him that he didn't even know who I was? I finally said I was the Helen at CVS and he came back with such a poorly worded, confusing text that I'm not 100% sure of what it is he said. Something about being busy, things have been crazy, lost contacts, new phone. Blah.
So, yeah. What a week. Sigh.
Friday, October 17, 2014
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
We all crazy
Dear Men,
I know so many of you believe that "b*tches be crazy". And I agree that there are indeed a large group of them that are. However, I am not one of them. Very often, what you chalk up to being "crazy" is often our reactions to your own behaviors. Which, to be fair, can also be very crazy and disturbing to us. You hide your true feelings in an attempt to be manly, and "maintain face". We are left bewildered and hurt.
Everything I've just said makes us all human. However, I believe in honesty and communication. Even when it hurts. Even when it hurts you. But it's usually something that needs to be said. The hurt lasts only a short time, at least for me. I don't hold grudges. I don't lament and ache for a long time. Eventually, I become matter-of-fact about whatever happened between us (or in most cases, didn't). I can talk about it all, including my hurt and heartache, without being freshly upset.
That doesn't mean there's no pain inside. It's not aimed or caused by one man alone. It's a series of events, a pattern, a flow of thought from within. Sometimes, we have beaten ourselves down. Sometimes we have allowed ourselves to be beaten.
In this day and age of communication at everyone's fingertips, why does it seem so hard to just say what we mean, and mean what we say? Why must we speak in riddles and make confusing choices--which may have made sense, had an explanation been given.
What I mean to say is...Men, if b*tches be crazy...it takes one to know one.
~Me
I know so many of you believe that "b*tches be crazy". And I agree that there are indeed a large group of them that are. However, I am not one of them. Very often, what you chalk up to being "crazy" is often our reactions to your own behaviors. Which, to be fair, can also be very crazy and disturbing to us. You hide your true feelings in an attempt to be manly, and "maintain face". We are left bewildered and hurt.
Everything I've just said makes us all human. However, I believe in honesty and communication. Even when it hurts. Even when it hurts you. But it's usually something that needs to be said. The hurt lasts only a short time, at least for me. I don't hold grudges. I don't lament and ache for a long time. Eventually, I become matter-of-fact about whatever happened between us (or in most cases, didn't). I can talk about it all, including my hurt and heartache, without being freshly upset.
That doesn't mean there's no pain inside. It's not aimed or caused by one man alone. It's a series of events, a pattern, a flow of thought from within. Sometimes, we have beaten ourselves down. Sometimes we have allowed ourselves to be beaten.
In this day and age of communication at everyone's fingertips, why does it seem so hard to just say what we mean, and mean what we say? Why must we speak in riddles and make confusing choices--which may have made sense, had an explanation been given.
What I mean to say is...Men, if b*tches be crazy...it takes one to know one.
~Me
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