Well, I had dinner with Second Guy tonight. I wanted us to do something in September because of both of our birthdays. But he's one who poo-poos the whole birthday thing. Plus his whole financial excuse, etc. I suggested that he could come over here and I'd cook dinner and we could hang out and catch up.
And we did. It was lovely and he even said a few times that he wished he'd been able (I did not roll my eyes) to come over more throughout the summer. I understand the majority of it. He was still going through crap with the ex, still recovering and trying to relocate himself. I get that; I do. Then he was very busy with conventions, etc. Understandable. It's the other moments and piles of poop I won't put up with again. I think we're past that and we might actually get to hang out more often again. That would be nice, having another friend to see on a semi-regular basis.
Speaking of exes, thought. Through a series of oopsies on my part, I discovered I'd put someone on SPAM in my phone's texts. The only one I'd done that to on purpose was my ex. Well, going into that folder to restore her messages showed me something I was just shocked by: my ex has sent so many texts. He sent a lot in June, none in July or August, and then they picked up again around my birthday. Mostly, he whines about wanting us to be together. Then he talks about me breaking my promise to wait for him (let's not get into the promises he made and broke repeatedly). And then he insults me. Oh, yeah, baby, I wanna get back with ya now.
Uh. No.
Anyway, I'm glad Second Guy and I are comfortable and friendly again. I still think he's super cute, but I'm not making any moves. And this time, it's not because I'm a chicken.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Friday, September 20, 2013
Um. Yeah.
So, I juts re-read my last entry and I have one conclusion: Never blog while tipsy. Other than the wine, I'd also had a rum and Coke. I was also pissed off at Second Guy. Obviously.
At any rate, I never did get to hang out with him last week during my vacation. But, in the end, I did have a lot of time to just relax and be lazy...and also to exercise with my new Belly-dancing DVD. It was a very nice and relaxing vacation and when I started back on Monday, I was ready to kick butt and take names.
I haven't had much to say on here as of late. I've gotten the worst of my rants out, I fear, and until I have any prospects, or real dates...there's not much to talk about. Oh, I could whine about being lonely, or my daily thoughts. But they're awfully repetitive. And it all sums up in one question:
Where are you?
At any rate, I never did get to hang out with him last week during my vacation. But, in the end, I did have a lot of time to just relax and be lazy...and also to exercise with my new Belly-dancing DVD. It was a very nice and relaxing vacation and when I started back on Monday, I was ready to kick butt and take names.
I haven't had much to say on here as of late. I've gotten the worst of my rants out, I fear, and until I have any prospects, or real dates...there's not much to talk about. Oh, I could whine about being lonely, or my daily thoughts. But they're awfully repetitive. And it all sums up in one question:
Where are you?
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Grrrrr
Maybe it's the wine talking, but it really pisses me off when you tell me you're too poor to meet me for drinks, and you probably shouldn't drink anyway because you've had so much lately, and oh, do try to ignore that you've been tagged at 2 bars this week with friends.
Oooooh, right. I'm not someone you wanna hang out with. Got it. At the least, you could say so. Grow a pair.
And Grrr.
Oooooh, right. I'm not someone you wanna hang out with. Got it. At the least, you could say so. Grow a pair.
And Grrr.
Frustrating
Donna: You're not saying much.
The Doctor: No, it's just— It's a funny old life. In the TARDIS.
Donna: You don't want me.
The Doctor: I'm not saying that.
Donna: But you asked me. would you rather be on your own?
The Doctor: No. Actually no. But. The last time, with Martha—like I said, it got complicated. And that was all my fault. I just want a mate.
Donna: You just want to mate?!
The Doctor: I just want a mate.
Donna: Well you're not mating with me, sunshine!
The Doctor: A mate! I just want a mate.
The Friend Zone. Been there Donna. The difference is that she wanted that. And Second Guy is a huge Doctor Who fan, even dresses like him sometimes, and when I watched this, I saw our conversations.
Donna: Well it's just as well, because I'm not having any of that nonsense. I mean you're just a long streak of... nothing! Alien nothing.
The Doctor: There we are then.
This last bit where she's talking about how thin he is makes me laugh. I understand that one, too. I've always said I couldn't date a man who was too thin--I'd hate to look like the number 10 when standing next to him.
I think, out of all the Companions, I relate most to Donna. Stumbling through life, trying her best, but not getting very far...until some day, everything falls into place and her true worth comes shining through...
Maybe some day I'll be the most important woman in the universe, too. At least to someone.
It's so very frustrating to have so much to offer, but no one seems to want it.
The Doctor: No, it's just— It's a funny old life. In the TARDIS.
Donna: You don't want me.
The Doctor: I'm not saying that.
Donna: But you asked me. would you rather be on your own?
The Doctor: No. Actually no. But. The last time, with Martha—like I said, it got complicated. And that was all my fault. I just want a mate.
Donna: You just want to mate?!
The Doctor: I just want a mate.
Donna: Well you're not mating with me, sunshine!
The Doctor: A mate! I just want a mate.
The Friend Zone. Been there Donna. The difference is that she wanted that. And Second Guy is a huge Doctor Who fan, even dresses like him sometimes, and when I watched this, I saw our conversations.
Donna: Well it's just as well, because I'm not having any of that nonsense. I mean you're just a long streak of... nothing! Alien nothing.
The Doctor: There we are then.
This last bit where she's talking about how thin he is makes me laugh. I understand that one, too. I've always said I couldn't date a man who was too thin--I'd hate to look like the number 10 when standing next to him.
I think, out of all the Companions, I relate most to Donna. Stumbling through life, trying her best, but not getting very far...until some day, everything falls into place and her true worth comes shining through...
Maybe some day I'll be the most important woman in the universe, too. At least to someone.
It's so very frustrating to have so much to offer, but no one seems to want it.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Relaxing and Changing
I don't like being bullied, no matter how good they think their intentions are. Harassed, hounded, pursued. It's not pleasant; it's not nice; it's not fun. I was bullied growing up and I covered that some in another post, so I won't reiterate. Instead, I'll talk about what prompted this today.
My former Pastor, whom I adore, was just messaging me on Facebook. You see, before I moved away, I wasn't able to attend church regularly in over four years. Even less the last of those, due to working for a woman we called "Hitler". She flat out told me that if I restricted my availability to not include working Sundays, then I could forget getting 40 hours a week. I needed 40 a week--I still do!!--to barely get by financially in life. I would get maybe 4 or 5 Sundays off a year and those were usually for weekends I was going out of town! So I still didn't go to church.
I went through some really bad times in those years. Most of 2009 was spent in a deep, dark depression. I barely got out of it with my life intact. I was very angry with the world, and with God. I felt He'd betrayed me. I had been the Goody-Two-Shoes Super Christian Girl for my entire life, and yet I was never rewarded. We were taught that you do what you're supposed to because you're supposed to; because God said so--and not to be rewarded, but it would be nice to get some kind of assurance that what you're doing is right. And that included going to church. I often balked at that, even at the most Goody of my times in life. I never felt that I needed to go to church--I didn't need the fellowship, or social activity. My Faith was between me and God and I liked it that way. It wasn't anyone's business but mine. I hated talking about it, explaining it, or defending it. And I always thought that made me a bad Christian.
When I came out of the depression, I was changed. My relationship with God was strained and it was a long while before I could talk to Him. Eventually, that got better. When things around me changed--my job, my environment, my attitude--and everything became so much better, I felt so much more comfortable in my own skin. I felt like I was finally becoming the Me I'd always wanted to be. And I found that I liked having a church to go to if I wanted to, but that I didn't have that desire, still. It's nice to know it's there if I feel like I need to surround myself with those people, and the familiar old adages and precepts I grew up on. But for the most part, they're all a part of me already. They helped form me into Me.
Because I'm finally comfortable with Me and who/what I am, I've become more relaxed. I'm not as adamant and picky about everything. I am not hateful in my approach to life--and honestly, that's how I see some people approaching everything with their Faith held out like a bastion of RIGHT; whether they are or not...what happened to kindness and letting God be the judge?
I'm a Christian, yes, and always will be. I've seen too much, been through too much, to ever lose that Faith. It is a part of me; a basic, fundamental part of me, yes. It defines me to some degree, but I refuse to let it negate everything else about me.
How does this relate to my blog about being in the dating world? Well, I was brought up with the understanding that I could only date Christians. That was basically the ONLY rule my parents had about dating. And I carried it over into adult-hood. But I found that time and again, the boys would say anything to get a date and therefore, were conveniently always Christian. Not to say I had many dates, because I really didn't. It wasn't like I was turning them away because they weren't Christians.
These days? I want a Geeky man. One who shares all of my passions and can geek out over things--be it Sci-Fi stuff like my beloved Star Trek, or about being a Christian, too. But instead of it being a "rule", it's more of a desired-quality. I'm not as gung-ho about it as a requirement. I'm not so desperate to think that it's not important, it's just not the be-all or end-all. If that makes sense. If any of my blogs do, as I ramble along about my own brain's processes and zig-zags.
The bullying I mentioned before? My former Pastor was saying that I needed to get a local church, become a member, etc. The way he phrased it made it sound like what I was supposed to do was hand my life over to them to control. I balked again. I just don't feel the need to go as often as some people think you should. I did the most mature thing I could think or and just walked away from the conversation.
My former Pastor, whom I adore, was just messaging me on Facebook. You see, before I moved away, I wasn't able to attend church regularly in over four years. Even less the last of those, due to working for a woman we called "Hitler". She flat out told me that if I restricted my availability to not include working Sundays, then I could forget getting 40 hours a week. I needed 40 a week--I still do!!--to barely get by financially in life. I would get maybe 4 or 5 Sundays off a year and those were usually for weekends I was going out of town! So I still didn't go to church.
I went through some really bad times in those years. Most of 2009 was spent in a deep, dark depression. I barely got out of it with my life intact. I was very angry with the world, and with God. I felt He'd betrayed me. I had been the Goody-Two-Shoes Super Christian Girl for my entire life, and yet I was never rewarded. We were taught that you do what you're supposed to because you're supposed to; because God said so--and not to be rewarded, but it would be nice to get some kind of assurance that what you're doing is right. And that included going to church. I often balked at that, even at the most Goody of my times in life. I never felt that I needed to go to church--I didn't need the fellowship, or social activity. My Faith was between me and God and I liked it that way. It wasn't anyone's business but mine. I hated talking about it, explaining it, or defending it. And I always thought that made me a bad Christian.
When I came out of the depression, I was changed. My relationship with God was strained and it was a long while before I could talk to Him. Eventually, that got better. When things around me changed--my job, my environment, my attitude--and everything became so much better, I felt so much more comfortable in my own skin. I felt like I was finally becoming the Me I'd always wanted to be. And I found that I liked having a church to go to if I wanted to, but that I didn't have that desire, still. It's nice to know it's there if I feel like I need to surround myself with those people, and the familiar old adages and precepts I grew up on. But for the most part, they're all a part of me already. They helped form me into Me.
Because I'm finally comfortable with Me and who/what I am, I've become more relaxed. I'm not as adamant and picky about everything. I am not hateful in my approach to life--and honestly, that's how I see some people approaching everything with their Faith held out like a bastion of RIGHT; whether they are or not...what happened to kindness and letting God be the judge?
I'm a Christian, yes, and always will be. I've seen too much, been through too much, to ever lose that Faith. It is a part of me; a basic, fundamental part of me, yes. It defines me to some degree, but I refuse to let it negate everything else about me.
How does this relate to my blog about being in the dating world? Well, I was brought up with the understanding that I could only date Christians. That was basically the ONLY rule my parents had about dating. And I carried it over into adult-hood. But I found that time and again, the boys would say anything to get a date and therefore, were conveniently always Christian. Not to say I had many dates, because I really didn't. It wasn't like I was turning them away because they weren't Christians.
These days? I want a Geeky man. One who shares all of my passions and can geek out over things--be it Sci-Fi stuff like my beloved Star Trek, or about being a Christian, too. But instead of it being a "rule", it's more of a desired-quality. I'm not as gung-ho about it as a requirement. I'm not so desperate to think that it's not important, it's just not the be-all or end-all. If that makes sense. If any of my blogs do, as I ramble along about my own brain's processes and zig-zags.
The bullying I mentioned before? My former Pastor was saying that I needed to get a local church, become a member, etc. The way he phrased it made it sound like what I was supposed to do was hand my life over to them to control. I balked again. I just don't feel the need to go as often as some people think you should. I did the most mature thing I could think or and just walked away from the conversation.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Kinda knew...
So here it is, my birthday...and Second Guy backed out of our plans. It's so hard to even make plans with him, unless I know he's going to be somewhere and I just show up. For example, at Gen Con and there was a show where I saw a band he didn't even know I knew...both times I would have been there no matter what, of course.
I was on my way home when I got his text. He feels he's been too social, and therefore drank too much the last two weeks, and has also run out of funds, and shouldn't go out. Ok, I understand that, but at the same time, when we "firmed up" our plans the other day, it would have been nice if he'd said something more like, "I might not be able to go out on Monday, but I'll let you know if I'm available another day." Ya know, instead of the "Yeah, I can do that." Oy.
But that's the biggest problem with Second Guy. Indecision. Inability to choose what he wants...maybe he's still just really confused and messed up from his ex. It's totally possible. I mean, you think you know exactly what you want and think she's on the same page, when you suddenly get hit over the head with her changing her mind and saying everything you knew was a lie. *shrug* It's tough...
Anyway, frustrating. Really. Yeah.
I was on my way home when I got his text. He feels he's been too social, and therefore drank too much the last two weeks, and has also run out of funds, and shouldn't go out. Ok, I understand that, but at the same time, when we "firmed up" our plans the other day, it would have been nice if he'd said something more like, "I might not be able to go out on Monday, but I'll let you know if I'm available another day." Ya know, instead of the "Yeah, I can do that." Oy.
But that's the biggest problem with Second Guy. Indecision. Inability to choose what he wants...maybe he's still just really confused and messed up from his ex. It's totally possible. I mean, you think you know exactly what you want and think she's on the same page, when you suddenly get hit over the head with her changing her mind and saying everything you knew was a lie. *shrug* It's tough...
Anyway, frustrating. Really. Yeah.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Birthday Vacation
So, I am now on vacation for my 34th birthday. I'll be traveling back to my family in Ohio, going to the Ohio Ren Fest and having a family birthday dinner before I come back Monday. And on Monday evening, I'm supposed to meet Second Guy for drinks. I'm not holding onto much hope that there could be a romance between us anymore, but his birthday is in September too, and we don't get to see each other much, so at least I'm being social and friendly-like. And if he changed his mind in the future and wanted to try that whole dating thing, well, I wouldn't object.
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