On Tuesday, First Contact Day for us Trekkies, I sent a text to Dating Site guy. It was the first contact in well over a month. I was letting him know that 5YM is playing in his town, since he hadn't seen them live yet. We ended up having one of those most of the day text conversations that we used to have...except it was different. Almost...sterile. We were trying to be so careful, the both of us. But I was honest and didn't sugar coat anything when he asked how I'd been. He seemed genuinely upset that I have had such a rough time. When I asked about him, he said he'd had ups and downs, and that work was even worse. I'm honestly surprised he hasn't quit yet.
I can't say that talking to him brought me any hope. To be frank, I don't feel hope, or anything else for that matter. I have been empty, except for sadness and anger. I seriously think I need to look into some kind of help. I don't even have a friend I can talk to about these things, because they all seem to think I should hate him and just "get over it" and just moved on with my life...well, that's fine and all for you to say, but it's not just him. It's my entire life of problems that have just been catching up with me and beating me over the head, and heart.
Even if he suddenly wanted back into my life, in a romantic capacity, I know I would still need help. I certainly don't think he would "fix me". But, GAWD, I miss him. And that night, after we texted...I didn't cry myself to sleep. That's rare these days.
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