Have Fun!

"Don't worry about it! Just have fun!"

Several months ago, I was in quite the quandary. I had gone from no viable options for dating, to 2. Seriously! It's as if I woke up one day and there were these two great guys in my life--and they were just friends, but suddenly both of them hinted at more...

One fella and I matched up very well on paper. But he was in the midst of a very painful divorce and when someone mentioned the idea of moving away to start over, he decided to do that. Across the country. Sigh. What's more is he came to visit me (he already lived in the next state), and I already knew it wasn't going to happen. He'd already changed his mind. But I made him flat out SAY THE WORDS. It hurt like hell, but I needed to hear him actually say that he'd changed his mind, that "this" was never going to happen. And, honestly, though I think he's very attractive, he's also on the thin side. It makes me feel bigger than I am, and I hate to be the number 10 as a couple. But I still wonder...

I also feel some anger towards him, though. He sent me some of the best compliments I've ever received. I hate to say that there are a handful of his texts I can't bring myself to delete because they were so awesome. I sent him a random picture of me and he said, "Who needs beauty sleep? Not you!" Thinking about that makes me feel rather bipolar. I smile, but at the same time, I feel the tears burning behind my eyes. How DARE you make me feel like this...and then change your mind?? Maybe I have only myself to blame for even considering more than friendship with someone in his situation.

The second guy was where I really needed advice. See, he had also just ended a serious relationship. But he was going to be my date to an event in June (as friends). We'd only ever hung out in groups, or at events, and I felt we should get together one-on-one to make sure we didn't completely hate each other before that event. So, in April, we hung out at my apartment. It was supposed to be a couple of hours, but he ended up being here for 5 hours. We laughed a lot, talked about past relationships and commiserated.

In short, we had a lot of fun and it was a very relaxed and comfortable evening. I thought he was charming and adorable, and yeah, sexy. But just a friend. The thought was in my head that maybe after the "date", things could change. But for now, no. This was taking place while I was in the midst of the other guy's compliments and phone calls anyway, and as far as I was concerned, between the two of them, I wanted the first guy more.

Then he changed things. I walked him out to his car and we ended up talking for another twenty minutes. He kissed me. If you've seen Hitch and know the 90% maneuver, well, he nailed it. And I fell for it. I moved in that other 10% and it was just a simple peck on the lips. But suddenly, there it was. We were friends...but wait...was there more? He apologized and said he shouldn't have done that...but then he moved in and kissed me again before finally leaving for the night.

I tried to be cool about it. I texted him and said I had a great time, but he didn't have to kiss me because we were just friends, etc. He seemed relieved, really, and we continued on as friends. Then we hung out again, this time after work for me. Dinner was so dang comfortable and conversation just flowed. And afterwards, taking me back to my car, we talked for a long while again...and he kissed me again.

My head was whirling by then. I was so sure the first guy was better for me, but he was so far away (and about to get further, though I didn't know that). I asked an older coworker about it and she said I should just relax and go with it and have fun. But how can you do that when you might be screwing up a good thing by "just going with it" with someone who probably is just confused...

We went out twice more, but something had clicked for him. I could tell. He was more withdrawn. Less...friendly. It wasn't that he was rude or mean, he just wasn't as open. He was guarded. I tried to act as if I hadn't noticed, but my gut was a knot. I knew what it meant. The next time we hung out, which was only a few days later, I knew I was right. The flirting was still there, but he was less into it. And when I went to hug him goodnight, there was no sign of those kisses. No sign he would ever want to do that again.

Even though I knew it was coming, it stung. A lot. I got the "friends" talk from him, too. It came only a few days later, actually. Instead of playing it off and acting like I didn't know what he was talking about, I gave up. I said I was sorry for the crush (what??) and he apologized again for mucking things up with the kisses. This was less than a week after the friends talk with the first guy and my bruised heart wasn't in good shape already.

There it was again. Everything seemed to point towards dating and maybe a relationship and all that stuff that's supposed to be so much fun. But this is reality, and this is how it usually goes instead.

"Hey, I think you're great, and I could totally see us dating.......................ya know what? I think you're so great, but I can't see us being more than friends."

Yeah. Fun.