Hope is Misleading

Dating Site Guy...I texted him after not hearing anything since around Christmas. He asked if I was seeing someone. He asked if we could hang out, because he was going to be in the area for the next few weeks. That dangerous spark came back to life within me. I fought it. He wanted to talk on the phone. We did.

So I told him about  last year, and my Depression and Anxiety issues. I told him about being suicidal for months. I told him that I finally dragged myself out of it by going off of BC and focusing on getting the house. I told him how awesome having the house is, and I even told him that it was his fault that I looked into getting a house at all.

Then I demanded to know why he'd asked if I was seeing someone. It was in his voice, he was trying to not say something. All he said was that it would be "awkward to ask to hang out, if I was with someone, and they might not like it". Bull. Shit. He also kept saying he wanted to hang out, and when I told him I was available on Sunday, all day, he kept replying with "maybe". 

I told him that he was a fluke, or maybe a miracle. That no one wants  me. He replied with, "relationships are a headache". I'm sorry I was such a headache, then.

I think he wants to see me, but he's also scared to see me. I feel the same way. I'd like to think I could play it cool, and aloof, but I'm afraid I will come across as a wooden bitch. Or, he'll say something, or I'll just catch myself staring at him, and suddenly, I'll be a sobbing mess.

I never got to tell him I was falling in love with him. 

I think, if we ever do hang out in person, I will have to make an ultimatum. Either you want to be with me, and I might be convinced to give you another chance...or you don't, and I will have to tell you that I can't do the friends thing with you. It hurts too much. Cut all contact, delete all photos, etc, and say goodbye.