One Week

Dating Site Guy and I have kept in contact all these months. Sporadically, one of us texts the other. At first, it was mostly me, but then it became mostly him. It was always nice, knowing he still thought of me. Even though we broke up, it was always in the back of my mind that we were on hold, and that we'd try again, someday.

When I was on vacation for my birthday, I heard from him twice. Twice in one week. I figured I was on his mind because of my birthday, but he didn't text me for my actual birthday. I don't know. It kept that hope alive. But now...when I asked how he was doing, after losing his job, he said he was doing okay. I asked if was looking for a new job, or taking a break. And then he told me that he'd already found a job and was moving to DC.

And I fell apart again. I felt abandoned, all over again. How could he leave me? He was the closest to a Soul Mate I'd ever known...and he's leaving me alone. It hurt. He's leaving on Oct. 10. 10-10. It's always been an awful day for me.

After a few nights, I had a dream where, a few years from now, he texted me a photo of him and a woman in a wedding dress. That was how he told me he had moved on...and I hadn't. Ugh.

Another dream I had, the very next night, was that Hates Cats and I were painting a room. It was a deep, cobalt blue. He was up on a ladder, but he came down and suddenly, the paint pan tipped and dumped over his face/hair. I was laughing at him and he came at me, and I screamed at him to not get any on me. And then we tripped and he was over me and paint was dripping on my face, and he was rubbing his cheek on mine, smearing paint all over, while I continued to shriek, this time with laughter. I miss the friendship we once had, but I still have some anger at him and how he treated me.