Confused Heart

I texted Dating Site Guy today, wishing him a happy Father's and saying that I hope they were having fun at the convention. I wasn't planning on going, but then my Sunday plans got canceled and I was thinking about it. Then he texted that he was wearing a kilt. My heart fell through the floor, or was that my tongue?

Our texts were very flirty, and he even offered to pay for my ticket in, not knowing I had a 3 day pass. I really wanted to see him, because I wasn't sure about...well...anything after the brief run-in on Friday. We didn't see each other or text at all Saturday.

I ended up deciding to go and tracked him down just in time for him to say that his son was very tired and wanted to go home. As I walked up, I tried to whistle, but ended up laughing instead when he turned on his toe and showed off his legs. This time we talked about ten minutes. He slipped me a twenty, saying it was for parking and anything else I wanted. I said I might use it to go to the movies, which was the other thing I had been considering. He told me to go and have a good time. I once again marveled at how easily we spoke, and I even teased and talked to his son a bit.

The confusion set in later, when I realized how much I still want him, and yes, still love him. Was the money because he feels guilty about how things were? My gut says no, because he is really a very generous person. Once, in the middle of talking, he excused himself to spend $200 on his best friend. Because he can. I don't think he was trying to make amends; not really. The real confusion was because he was....He was him again. He was the man I knew...before. And the pain of knowing I may never have him again....it hit me, hard. Even now, as I was typing all of this, we texted a bit, and there was that flirty overtone again. 

Would I try again with him? In a heartbeat. I don't even hesitate in that thought. It wouldn't be easy, and he'd really have to prove himself for a while, but it would be worth it.

It doesn't matter, though. Because I'll never get that chance again.