I was out the other night with a New Friend and we were comparing notes on online dating, etc. I told her the entire story about my ex, all of it. Tonight, at work, "our song" started playing. I was humming along and suddenly, it hit me: I've mentioned him a lot lately, and then that whole conversation...why is he on my mind? Is it because of SBI coming up and that's where we met? No.
This is my realization: One of things about my ex
that drove me up the wall was how negative he was. He hated himself, he
didn't know why anyone would want to be around him. He didn't know how
to have any positive or happy thoughts, without a big sense of dread
surrounding it.
Sounds familiar.
The reason he's been on my mind is because my subconscious was trying desperately to make me notice that I've been acting and feeling just like him. It drove me crazy when he did it; it drives me crazy when I'm doing it. And it needs to stop.
I know the source of my problems is my incredible self-doubt and insecurities. I'm going to try to focus on the things I kick-ass at. I'm going to finish this last commission (okay, I should probably start it). I'm going to focus on others and be more loving and accepting. I need to get myself right before I worry about anyone else.
Yay! :)
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